Forgiveness

This is a topic we have all struggled with at one time or another and even though we may have overcome once or twice before we can still be challenged when it comes to forgiveness. I believe the process that one goes through in order to forgive is kind of metamorphic. There is a need to expand the perception of our reality of that situation we are currently unforgiving in to genuinely come to a place of forgiveness.

We all may have heard many reasons why we should forgive but not often do we talk about why people don't forgive. To understand forgiveness we must understand why some choose to not forgive. It is written that, offenses will come.

So what will we do when the offenses come?

What do we expect when we are the offender which we will most certainly be in our lifetime at one time or another?

To those of us who may be looking forgiveness in a situation and we've all been there before it is important to try to see the act from the other person perspective, starting at this place is the best place for a successful outcome. I'm not promising a change but this is where we would need to be to begin to understand and if we can do this by listening without needing to get our point of view in, there is likely to be a positive response. When we are unwilling to listen, we give the impression that we are not willing to understand and then the walls will go up.

Some of us forgive easily and for some of us it is very hard. The reasons why one doesn't forgive are many and usually rooted in not knowing how to deal with the offense. For some of us it's not that simple and our mind is searching for an answer to why the offense has taken place. Many times we are frustrated because there is no answer and sometimes we are faced with the offender being less than apologetic and find ourselves stuck. We would do well to understand that those individuals who continually offend themselves and others will mostly likely offend us. In understanding why some continually offend we will gain understanding on how to take ourselves out of harms way. It's not as though we live with an understanding that no one will ever hurt us. In fact it's possible that we think more on how we can be offended then not.

So the question is why do we get offended as often as we do?

Why are we always shocked by other people's behavior?

Sometimes our belief in why we can't forgive another for the offense carried out is because of past experiences in our childhood. Our understanding about forgiveness is taught to us as children and it takes a conscious mind to observe this and make changes that encourages growth. We might not recall someone sitting us down and teaching us how to forgive but we did learn about forgiveness as children. Think about it. What was the reaction we most often received when we made a mistake? What was the behavior towards us when we did something to offend another? How did those that were around us behave when someone offended them? These are all key points when we look to understand ourselves and where we stand when it comes to forgiveness.

Some of us may be facing a situation whereby we are stuck and finding it hard to forgive someone for offenses done to us that have gone on too long or maybe because we've invested so much. Sometimes we need to let go, forgive and move on. The voice of criticism comes to haunt us and although we can describe in detail the offense of the offender we are most likely finding fault with ourselves too. We may think that our biggest offender is someone else but in truth if we are really honest and we dig deep inside we will see it is us. The person, who has called us the most names, is us. The person, who has denied us happiness, is us. The person, who has lacked faith in us the most, is us. Not only do we need to understand and come to a place of healing from the offenses of others, but we also need to understand and heal from our self inflicted offenses.

Forgiving oneself for the decisions which have resulted in us being in a place where we were offended is the beginning process of forgiveness. Forgiveness is not just something we give; it is also something we need. We need to be able to love ourselves although we make mistakes. When we truly understand this, it helps us process the offenses of others towards us. Once this process starts our vision begins to open and sometimes automatically we see things from a different perspective - one that benefits us and allows for the blocked channels within us to flow freely.

Although it may appear that forgiveness is allowing someone else off the hook, when we gain greater insight we can see that forgiveness is an act of self love. We can never really injure someone by our UN-forgiveness unless they allow it and we can never control how a person is affected by our UN-forgiveness. The other reason why we must learn to forgive is because we are doing ourselves more harm than anyone else can do to us by holding on to the offense. Forgiveness is an act of self love.

Forgiveness brings peace in our spirit.

Forgiveness brings more love into our lives.

Forgiveness enables growth.

Forgiveness helps to silence the critical voice within.

Forgiveness helps us feel good about ourselves.

Forgiveness allows miracles to take place within.

Forgive us our trespasses as, we forgive those that trespass against us. - Matthew 6:12

Please feel free to forward this link to a friend.

Donniece Greene-Smith

The Definitive Coach

Thank You For Reading The Definitive Coach Newsletter.